In full disclosure, this is not my first blog…I used to have a bad dating blog. I went on many of them, and they taught me a lot about what I am not looking for! Now I am a happily married woman, and the baggage I brought to the relationship was anxiety, PTSD, and two types of depression. I didn’t know that then. 

So why am I writing this blog? For the longest time, I felt alone. We didn’t speak about the abuse I survived or that my worries were unhealthy. I suffered in silence and was silenced for way too long. I held myself responsible for what happened to me instead of the people that did it to me. This blog isn’t therapy (as I am not a licensed therapist) but me sharing… and maybe some other people too!

So how did I get here? Well, I have always been a worrier, but extreme stuff. One of the first books I remember buying with my money was “The Worst-Case Survival Handbook.” I was young, and I still have passages memorized. I know how to survive a car going into the water, that it is better to run away from a mugger in a zigzag pattern, oh carjacking, got that too – buckle up and ram your car into a pole. I didn’t think anything was wrong with this level of worry until I found myself in my basement with a pulse oximeter on one finger and two blood pressure cuffs waiting to die. I went to the doctor (again), and she said to me I didn’t need to live like this and gave me my first mental health diagnosis and medication. That doctor gave me back a life that I didn’t know I was missing.

That was five years ago, and I am sad that this wasn’t offered before. I hope you might relate to my story or know someone who does. You are not alone. You matter, and welcome to the state of my mind.

anxiety broken family childabusesurvivor depression divorce fairytales mentaldisorders mentalhealth mentalhealthconditions mentalillness worrier worrytoomuch